[ Slowly, Joon-gi lifted his gaze and met Zhao's eyes once more. He had neglected to wear his shades, so it was easy to see how his eyes had softened beneath the warm light streaming from the kitchen.
Try as he might, Joon-gi couldn't find a trace of disgust nor judgement in that look.
I wanna understand, and shoving part of yourself in a box isn't how I roll.
He straightened in his seat. Is that what he had been doing all this time? Cutting away the parts of himself that no longer served and burying them so deep that even he could no longer recognize them?
He could feel the mask slipping once again, the cracks in his carefully constructed facade widening by degrees. Despite everything, it still surprised him that Zhao was reaching out his hand in a bid for understanding, chipping away at the wall of ice Joon-gi had constructed to keep anyone from ever touching his heart.
Only one other man had successfully breached that icy wall... But he was gone, and only a pale shadow of his former self remained to bear his name.
He took a breath and the words spilled out of him, haltingly, at first. ]
I didn't. [ He lowered his eyes, tracing the rim of his cup with his thumb. ] But I could have. And that's what frightens me, the thought that I could be capable of hurting you, despite my best intentions. I just...
[ He paused, brows furrowed as he struggled to articulate his thoughts. ]
As much as I enjoyed that moment we shared together, I want to be careful. I don't want to risk ruining the future we're building together by acting recklessly. [ Joon-gi bit his lip, wondering if he should leave it at that, but decided against it. ] If you're interested in trying that again—giving up control to me—then we need to decide on a safeword. That way, if things get too intense, you can tap out at any time, no questions asked.
[ 'If' being the operative word here, though Zhao already seemed open to the possibility that this option wasn't entirely off the table.
Even so, it had to be his choice. This wasn't something Joon-gi felt comfortable asking from him, as of now. ]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2024-09-26 01:58 am (UTC)Try as he might, Joon-gi couldn't find a trace of disgust nor judgement in that look.
I wanna understand, and shoving part of yourself in a box isn't how I roll.
He straightened in his seat. Is that what he had been doing all this time? Cutting away the parts of himself that no longer served and burying them so deep that even he could no longer recognize them?
He could feel the mask slipping once again, the cracks in his carefully constructed facade widening by degrees. Despite everything, it still surprised him that Zhao was reaching out his hand in a bid for understanding, chipping away at the wall of ice Joon-gi had constructed to keep anyone from ever touching his heart.
Only one other man had successfully breached that icy wall... But he was gone, and only a pale shadow of his former self remained to bear his name.
He took a breath and the words spilled out of him, haltingly, at first. ]
I didn't. [ He lowered his eyes, tracing the rim of his cup with his thumb. ] But I could have. And that's what frightens me, the thought that I could be capable of hurting you, despite my best intentions. I just...
[ He paused, brows furrowed as he struggled to articulate his thoughts. ]
As much as I enjoyed that moment we shared together, I want to be careful. I don't want to risk ruining the future we're building together by acting recklessly. [ Joon-gi bit his lip, wondering if he should leave it at that, but decided against it. ] If you're interested in trying that again—giving up control to me—then we need to decide on a safeword. That way, if things get too intense, you can tap out at any time, no questions asked.
[ 'If' being the operative word here, though Zhao already seemed open to the possibility that this option wasn't entirely off the table.
Even so, it had to be his choice. This wasn't something Joon-gi felt comfortable asking from him, as of now. ]