[ It really did feel like drowning. Ever since the day he learned that his predecessor died, it felt like he'd been treading water, trying desperately to keep his head above the surface. With each step toward an uncertain future, he could feel the weight of old anxieties pulling at his ankles, threatening to drag him into the crushing depths.
Every day I look in the mirror and don't know who is staring back at me anymore...
Without the shadow of Han Joon-gi to define him, who was he, really? Little by little, he was forgetting the shape of his old face, and when the last vestiges of memory finally faded, he would no longer be Kim Yeonsu. Someday, the mask would fuse into place for good, and he would become the 'real' Han Joon-gi once and for all.
He couldn't keep running from the past forever. One day, it was going to catch up to him, and there would be a reckoning.
And when that day finally arrived, would he still have a place by Zhao's side?
Suddenly, strong hands pulled at his shoulders, and Joon-gi lifted his face to see tear-bright eyes staring into his own. He wanted so much to argue with Zhao—to throw his empty promises back in his face, just to prove how paltry such words truly were. But how could he, when Zhao held him so tightly and told him, in no uncertain terms, just how much he was truly wanted?
If you think I'm going to give up on you, you chose poorly. I don't know how to fucking give up and I don't feel like learning.
He felt Zhao's lips press against his own, and Joon-gi made a soft sound that might have been laughter or perhaps a broken sob. Maybe it was a little of both.
He took a breath and tried to steady his voice, but he could already feel the tears beginning to overflow. They were not tears of sorrow, however, but those born of a fragile hope that maybe, this time, the promise would ring true and he wouldn't be abandoned. ]
You've been out drinking with Kasuga again, haven't you? [ His smile felt so small and brittle, but it was all that he could manage in the face of his tears. ] I can tell that he's been coaching you through these motivational speeches you're so fond of making... and I think it's working.
[ Leaning forward, Joon-gi pulled Zhao into a fierce embrace, fingers curling tight against his shirt, as though he were clinging desperately to a life preserver while he drifted aimlessly on the tide. He buried his face against Zhao's shoulder, so that when next he spoke, his voice was muffled. ]
Promise me you'll stay. If you say it once more, then I promise I'll believe you.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2024-09-29 12:49 am (UTC)Every day I look in the mirror and don't know who is staring back at me anymore...
Without the shadow of Han Joon-gi to define him, who was he, really? Little by little, he was forgetting the shape of his old face, and when the last vestiges of memory finally faded, he would no longer be Kim Yeonsu. Someday, the mask would fuse into place for good, and he would become the 'real' Han Joon-gi once and for all.
He couldn't keep running from the past forever. One day, it was going to catch up to him, and there would be a reckoning.
And when that day finally arrived, would he still have a place by Zhao's side?
Suddenly, strong hands pulled at his shoulders, and Joon-gi lifted his face to see tear-bright eyes staring into his own. He wanted so much to argue with Zhao—to throw his empty promises back in his face, just to prove how paltry such words truly were. But how could he, when Zhao held him so tightly and told him, in no uncertain terms, just how much he was truly wanted?
If you think I'm going to give up on you, you chose poorly. I don't know how to fucking give up and I don't feel like learning.
He felt Zhao's lips press against his own, and Joon-gi made a soft sound that might have been laughter or perhaps a broken sob. Maybe it was a little of both.
He took a breath and tried to steady his voice, but he could already feel the tears beginning to overflow. They were not tears of sorrow, however, but those born of a fragile hope that maybe, this time, the promise would ring true and he wouldn't be abandoned. ]
You've been out drinking with Kasuga again, haven't you? [ His smile felt so small and brittle, but it was all that he could manage in the face of his tears. ] I can tell that he's been coaching you through these motivational speeches you're so fond of making... and I think it's working.
[ Leaning forward, Joon-gi pulled Zhao into a fierce embrace, fingers curling tight against his shirt, as though he were clinging desperately to a life preserver while he drifted aimlessly on the tide. He buried his face against Zhao's shoulder, so that when next he spoke, his voice was muffled. ]
Promise me you'll stay. If you say it once more, then I promise I'll believe you.